Saturday, April 17, 2021
Home Middle Column Desperate Green Activists Bribe Hillary Voters With Puppies

Desperate Green Activists Bribe Hillary Voters With Puppies

-

SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER

Green activists have come up with an ingenious solution to breathe new life into Hillary Clinton’s moribund election campaign: puppies.

NextGen Climate has scheduled puppy appearances at dozens of early voting locations in critical states like Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Iowa, Nevada and New Hampshire. The organization hopes to roll out even more such events on November 8th.

“We’ve enlisted our most loyal companions to help during this historic election,” said Nick Ellis, a “National Puppy Coordinator” for NextGen Climate. “We are excited about this new approach to voter outreach.” Ellis appears in an ad for the campaign with an adorable, playful puppy, Petey.

The puppy idea arose organically during NextGen Climate’s voter registration drives. Volunteers who had puppies with them inevitably gathered more signatures than those without pooches. Deciding that this phenomenon was no accident, NextGen Climate figured that if puppies could get people to sign up to register, surely they could convince people to show up to vote, as well.

This makes sense. Anyone stupid enough to choose the next president of the USA based on the rush of oxytocin they experience on looking into the adorable eyes of a juvenile dog is 99.99 per cent likely to be a natural Hillary voter.

- Advertisment -

Related Articles

Scientific Survey Shows Voters Across the Political Spectrum Are Ideologically Deluded

The survey, commissioned by Just Facts, reveals that the vast bulk of voters have embraced false and harmful dogmas that accord with their political...

Are our oil and gas pipelines safe during an earthquake?

"It is very admirable indeed that science moves forwards, and we get better theories and find our errors. Yet the ominous concern is that...

David Attenborough Covid Porn Documentary: “We are Intruders”

David Attenborough's latest docu-series appears to celebrate how Covid has destroyed African safari tourism, and allowing wild animals to infest abandoned human structures, and...